


Berkeley

by roguefaerie (samidha)



Series: Finding Home Away From Home (GQ/NB Dean Winchester with Shadow Moon Fics) [4]
Category: American Gods (TV), American Gods - Neil Gaiman, Gabriel (2007), Norse Religion & Lore, Once Upon a Time (TV), Peter Pan & Related Fandoms, Supernatural
Genre: AU, Background Relationships, College, College Student Dean, Coming Out, Coming Out is Never a One Time Deal, Creepy Shit Happens, Geek Dean, Gen, Genderqueer Dean, Genderqueer Dean Winchester, Long and Slow Process, Musician Dean, Musician Dean Winchester, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Dean, POV Second Person, Pansexual Character, Queer Character, Queer Dean, Queer Gen, Queer Shadow Moon, Queer Themes, Queerplatonic Relationships, Sam Has Powers, Smart Dean, Trans Dean, Trying to Come Out When the Conversations Were More Rare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 00:16:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11429208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Dean is (finally) at school and has an interesting roommate named Shadow Moon.





	Berkeley

**Author's Note:**

> Note: All the pieces of this fic are being posted into the first fic, but I'm putting them out separately so as not to throw off those who started reading them as separate pieces. This series is short enough thus far and I don't want to delete people's comments. So, I'm also producing them this way, in a series. Enjoy! (Link to the series was broken for a sec, fixed now.)

Berkeley, 2001

You love it in California. People are so--so--California-y. They’re relaxed. They’re sort of stable. Well, they seem more stable to you, sort of, but you’ve been running for your life for, well, your whole life, so maybe not.

Anyway, you cobble together transcripts from a million schools and by some magic you realize you have a GPA of 3.7. You are working as a pizza delivery “guy” and floating around the place, you eat sparingly and use most of your cash on application fees.

Something tells you, though, you’re going to Berkeley. Something just tells you. And in the end you have your pick but you pick there.

People are kind of spacey in California too. So you teach yourself computers just by goofing off in libraries for a while and then later when you have a dorm room and everything you get a job on campus that mostly consists of telling people, “That’s not the on switch for your computer,” and they screech back, “What do you mean?” Especially when you get moved up to faculty computing because they’re convinced you’re some kind of genius who should be handling the more involved cases of computer illiteracy.

You also have a roommate named Shadow, Shadow Moon, because this is California so of course you do. Of course. Shadow is nice. Like genuinely nice and it is maybe a little weird. You’re both in the same dorm room because you’re around the same age--older than the other kids. You don’t mind the dorm though, it’s kind of like a motel room and sometimes that’s better than you’ve had since you’ve been on your own. Shadow is also shy and a little skittish. You can tell he’s seen his fair share of shit too.

Sometimes people come to see Shadow, and the less said about them the better.

*~*~*

You do definitely prefer the outdoors. No walls.

*~*~*

You start playing guitar because it gives you an excuse to just sit outside under a tree on the quad. Sometimes it draws people to you, which you realize becomes increasingly weird over time. 

The first thing is you realize there are some people, maybe guys _and_ girls (or maybe none of the above but you don’t ask them) checking you out. Which means you have to evaluate when you’re checking them out. You check out everybody, because you’re you, and maybe that means you’re feeling safe.

When people ask you….well, stuff...about your stuff….you try not to flip out at them and replace a lot of things you could say with, “I don’t know,” which is sometimes an evasive maneuver and sometimes true.

One day you realize, though, the ravens aren’t here if the people are here. Loneliness smashes into you like a freight train. Alone in a crowd. It’s worse than alone to be alone.

That day, a person asks you where you learned to play guitar and you shrug. Try to be nonchalant. You just picked it up. It’s like the music is just coming to you, coming to you from somewhere else.

Somewhere else.

Then your brain skitters a little and your phone buzzes with a way too expensive text message It’s from your brother..

Sam.

Where r u?

You excuse yourself from talking to this person so intent on how your music came to you, make it look like you’re deliberately jogging up to your room, and throw your phone, hearing it smash.

Time to get a new number.

You may never play guitar again.

Shadow can tell you’re upset that night. You watch Eddie Izzard with him and you sort of know, sort of don’t know what you’re seeing, though the guy is funny as hell, there’s something, just something. Something big.

Shadow asks you why you don’t go to meetings. You know. For people like you and him. Wait, what?

You tell him that actually you’re not sure if you’re like other people and he smiles a little. “Yeah. I know. Look, if you ever want to put anything in the closet, like I mean, you don’t have a lot of stuff or a lot of--you know--clothes.”

“Anything?”

“Sure.”

Who is this person and how did you end up roommates with them?

After that you tag along with Shadow to a meeting or two. You meet more Californian space cadets, but nobody is unintelligent or anything. This whole identity thing, they’ve thought about it a lot, the people you meet. And there are all kinds of people at the meeting. Still, you can’t really tell them why you feel like the only one like you.

You and Shadow get an apartment. You keep delivering pizzas alongside the computer tech job. Sometimes you deliver to your classmates. That’s weird, but whatever, it reminds them you’re older than them.

Your closet has a few dresses in it now that are bought with your own money, not stolen change. And you and Shadow paint a rainbow in the corner of the living room that covers part of two walls. Shadow actually has this girlfriend, Laura, but it’s cool, you pretty much like everyone, well not everyone, but everyone, you just like...stuff. People. You like people. So does Shadow.

And. And. Things might actually be good.


End file.
